What do you do before you watch a movie? Chances are, you head online and peruse the reviews, just to make sure that the flick that you pick isn’t totally awful. The following 40 reviews would provide you with zero help in that endeavor. However, they are all hilarious for their asinine commentary, hilarious observations or sarcastic takes on classics. Read on, and you might just find yourself more entertained by their words than by the movies themselves.
40. The Invisible Man
As this movie’s title suggests, the main character is being chased and tortured by a man who no one else can see. But one Amazon reviewer totally missed out on that part of the title. They gave the movie one star because they “had a hard time judging the performance of her tormentor… couldn’t really see him.”
39. Animal House
National Lampoon’s Animal House tells the tale of a raucous fraternity, Delta Tau Chi, and the college dean who wants to expel them from campus. One look at that synopsis tells you that this flick isn’t really about animals. Yet this reviewer felt let down by the lack of “animals in the house.”
38. Mission: Impossible – Fallout
According to one online movie reviewer, there’s more to dislike about Mission: Impossible – Fallout than just the excessive punctuation in its title. The one-star slating of the film read, “Husband picked it out while I drank rum and texted my best friend. I thought it was boring.”
If you have a deep interest in or knowledge of the property business, well, you might not appreciate the movie-musical Rent. One online reviewer complained that the flick should have had a different title since it didn’t “even have a single song about leasing law, property management procedures or net lease calculations.” And, ultimately, this lack of fine print left the person feeling “misled.”
36. The Emoji Movie
It is high praise for a children’s movie when it leaves kids with an important lesson. Apparently, The Emoji Movie teaches pacifism. One reviewer wrote, “I have an aggressive niece who likes to pick fights at her elementary school… As punishment, she had to watch this, and she hasn’t even raised a fist since.” Huh.
35. Con Air
In the movie Con Air, a recently paroled U.S. Ranger ends up traveling on a plane that gets hijacked by the still-in-prison passengers on board. Keep that in mind as you read the following review. One person said, “I like to watch [this movie] before I call my mother on Sunday nights.” We do not have the time to unpack what that means for their relationship.
34. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Every relationship has its obstacles – for one couple, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 was possibly the straw that broke the camel’s back. An online critic titled their one-star, “I’m mad at my boyfriend for making me watch this.” The body of the review? “I might leave him.”
33. Brokeback Mountain
Don’t be afraid to buy physical copies of movies that you haven’t yet seen. Someone who bought Brokeback Mountain and disliked the dramatic flick came up with a great way to reuse their unwanted purchase. Their one-star review read, “Threw away the DVD and used the case to hold gift certificates.” Of course, you could also try renting first.
32. Magic Mike
It seems that many people on this list have rented or watched movies without watching any trailers or reading any synopses of the flicks they decide to download. Case in point: this person who warns other potential viewers that “there are no magicians” in Magic Mike, a film that’s very openly about male strippers.
31. Apocalypse Now
Some people can’t help but air out their personal problems on the internet. However, it’s still strange to see them infiltrate – and even affect – a person’s movie review. This one-star rating of the movie Apocalypse Now is so low because the reviewer’s “dog Sawyer chewed [their] unopened copy.”
The person who reviewed this movie gave it four stars out of five, presumably knocking off that last one because of the film’s name. They explained, “The title is mostly accurate – there were seven killings. However, the title is misspelled as ‘Se7en’ on my copy of the film, which is quite sloppy given the budgets major motion pictures have.” Who wants to tell them?
29. Monsters, Inc.
The last movie you’d expect to be “traumatizing” would be Monsters, Inc. – yet that’s exactly how one reviewer described the film. They explained why, writing, “Switching from a system of exploiting children’s screams to exploiting children’s laughter does not make you good guys. You are still exploiting child labor…”
28. Bohemian Rhapsody
Anyone even remotely familiar with the story of the band Queen and its lead singer, Freddie Mercury, would know how the film Bohemian Rhapsody would come to a close. Perhaps this reviewer steered clear of music and news for decades, as they found the story’s ending a reason to give the entire movie one star. They wrote, “He dies in the end.”
Someone who saw the movie Jaws gave the classic a one-star review, writing, “I… have witnessed seven sharks destroyed by being blown up. The shark was blown up at the end of this film, and it wasn’t very realistic.” Where has this person been to have witnessed so many theatrical shark deaths?
26. Toy Story
Have you ever thought of Toy Story as pro-plaything propaganda? One viewer seemed to imply that in their one-star review of the beloved cartoon. They wrote, “While I would like to believe all toys are sweet and innocent, as in this movie, I know for a fact they are not.”
A one-star review of Elf panned the flick for its costumes. They wrote, “Am I the only one that is creeped out by these guys in tights? They purposely didn’t cover their private areas. Disgusting Hollywood creeper vibe.” All we saw was Santa’s helper in his uniform, but okay…
24. The Wolf of Wall Street
If fairytales have taught us anything, it’s that wolves are generally the bad guy. That’s certainly the case in The Wolf of Wall Street, which follows one stockbroker’s descent into corruption. But one viewer didn’t get the movie’s nuanced title. Instead, they gave it one star because “there were no wolves in the movie.”
23. Trolls World Tour
Sometimes, a bad movie review is down to incorrect online targeting. This guy did not like the suggestion that he watch the 2020 animated flick. So he gave the cartoon a one-star review and wrote, “I am a 56-year-old law enforcement professional who has no interest in watching Trolls [World Tour].”
22. A Quiet Place
We don’t want to give too much away, but the title of A Quiet Place provides a hint as to the amount of sound you can expect from this horror film. Critics loved the idea, but this Amazon reviewer? Not so much. Instead, they wrote that the flick was “a little too quiet. No talking.”
If you already disliked clowns, you would assume that you wouldn’t like the movie It, right? For some reason, this hater watched anyway and came away with the opinion that “clowns are dumb, and they dress stupid.” You could have decided that without watching the movie.
20. Spider-Man: Homecoming
An online movie review is a way to air out your grievances with a film… and, it seems, other areas of your life too. Just check out this review of 2017’s Spider-Man: Homecoming. One person wrote, “I hate superheroes. I also hate children.”
19. First Man
One online reviewer gave First Man a one-star review because “there wasn’t any aliens.” That seems like a fair review of the film, which chronicles the life of real-life astronaut Neil Armstrong, who took the first-ever walk on the moon in 1969. He famously encountered so many aliens along the way…
18. Pitch Perfect
You can use the word “pitch” in sports… But you can also use it in music. This movie reviewer did not think of both angles before renting Pitch Perfect, so they ended up disappointed with the unathletic flick. They wrote in their one-star review, “Thought it was a baseball movie.”
17. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse won the 2018 Oscar for Best Animated Film. Seems like something you’d want your kids to be watching, right? Not according to one parent, who gave the movie one star for very personal reasons. They wrote, “My little rat children rented this movie without my permission.”
16. Boss Baby
The plot of the movie Boss Baby is pretty much written in the title. This flick sees a cartoon baby and his seven-year-old brother attempt to stop a nefarious CEO by becoming bosses themselves. What that has to do with romantic adult relationships, we don’t know. But one viewer gave this movie a five-star review because it “saved [their] marriage.” We need to know how!
15. Baby Driver
Assuming a movie’s plot by taking its title extremely literally will get you into trouble. Case in point: this person who watched Baby Driver and deemed the flick’s name to be misleading. They explained, “I was expecting an actor no more than 10 years old [to be] driving a car.”
14. The Sound of Music
We just said it’d be a mistake to take a movie’s title literally – but we also think it’s okay to take some context clues from it. For example, it’s safe to assume that The Sound of Music will have at least a few tunes playing during the film. And yet, one viewer slated the movie because they “didn’t know it was a musical.”
There’s a lot to question when it comes to the plot of Aquaman. The movie’s protagonist is the heir to the throne of Atlantis – yes, the underwater kingdom of lore. But one viewer couldn’t handle another unbelievable detail of the film. They gave it one star and had to ask, “Why is he wearing jeans in the ocean?” Honestly, it’s a valid point.
12. The Greatest Showman
The Greatest Showman fictionalizes the start of show business as P.T. Barnum puts together a crowd-drawing circus full of human oddities – and breaks into song throughout it all. Not everyone liked this whimsy take, though. One Amazon reviewer maturely deemed the film, “The Greatest Poopman.”
11. The Blair Witch Project
The Blair Witch Project was a terrifying faux-documentary, purportedly broadcasting the footage recovered after three people trekked into the woods to find the movie’s titular character. One viewer was expecting to see a lot more of the bad guys, though. They panned the flick on Amazon, saying, “There was no witch; I’m unsubscribing from Prime.”
10. Home Alone 5: The Holiday Heist
It may be news to you that there are more than two Home Alone movies. According to one Amazon reviewer, the fifth one is a doozy – so bad it required a new rule in their house. They wrote, “My son is not allowed to choose movies for one year after choosing this.” Obviously, that’s a pretty bad review – we’ll stick to the classics.
9. Mary Poppins
Good news for fans of the 1964 classic Mary Poppins – those watching it in the 21st century say that it still holds up. As this five-star Amazon review put it, “Mary is still poppin’.” So if you haven’t watched it yet, you better get on that.
We’ve found the one person in the world who has never heard the phrase, “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” It’s this online reviewer who gave the 2014 animated movie Paddington one star. Why? They wrote, “I gave it a one because [I’ve] never seen it.”
7. Freddy vs. Jason
According to one Amazon reviewer, there needed to be a third party in the fight between Freddy and Jason to end the battle once and for all. They wrote in their one-star review of the horror flick, “Superman would kill both of these boneheads. Freddy and Jason would NEVER stand a chance against the Man of Steel.”
6. The Lion King
One viewer of 1994’s The Lion King deemed the film to be “not realistic,” a very sharp observation of an animated movie for children. Their main gripe was the fact that the cartoon creatures spoke our language and broke out into song. The reviewer wrote, “Animals simply don’t talk or sing.”
5. The Shining
Jack Nicholson stars as Jack Torrance in The Shining, a film that chronicles his descent into madness and violence while staying at an isolated hotel through the winter. His prickliness pushed one viewer to give the movie a sole star out of five because “The dude is just rude throughout the movie.” You might’ve missed the point, but that’s okay…
4. There Will Be Blood
Business, family, religion – discord in these areas can be vicious. And those are some of the major themes in There Will Be Blood, which follows a prospector as he deals with trials in each category. That wasn’t enough for one viewer, though, who lamented in a one-star review, “There was almost no blood in the movie.”
3. Space Jam
You could argue that most people watch Space Jam because they love the movie’s basketball player star: Michael Jordan. This Amazon reviewer felt that way – yet they had no idea how to spell the legendary athlete’s name. Instead, they wrote, “Michelle Gordon has always been a hero of mine.”
2. Avengers: Endgame
Twenty-one Marvel movies lead up to the franchise’s concluding film, Avengers: Endgame. Those flicks tell the tales of everyone from Thor to Iron Man to Captain America to Black Panther to Captain Marvel. One reviewer must have managed to miss all of them and never hear a word about the Avengers. They disliked the film because “every character seemed to have a crazy superpower.” Um…
1. Taken 3
In the first Taken, Liam Neeson’s character’s daughter gets kidnapped, and he fights his way across Europe to get her back. Admittedly, Taken 3 has a slightly different plot, but that didn’t stop one reviewer from leaving a hilarious comment regarding the third installment. They wrote, “I’m beginning to think he’s just a bad parent.”